Rebuilding After Abuse From Those We’re Supposed To Trust
Abuse in any scenario can have long-standing repercussions on survivors, but it can cut even deeper when it comes from people that society tells us we’re supposed to trust, such as medical staff, teachers, religious leaders, caregivers, and so on. With the authority and respect these people often command, it can leave us questioning our safety, faith, and ability to trust in others when they betray that role. Rebuilding after this kind of betrayal is not easy, but there are steps we can take towards it.
Putting A Name To It
Given the damage it can do to our self-esteem and self-image, it’s not uncommon at all that people have difficulty talking about sexual abuse and assault, and that feeling can easily intensify due to the nature of where that abuse came from. However, naming the harm done clearly and affirming, to yourself or a trusted listener, that the fault lies with the person who abuses their power and not you, can help you begin to rebuild. It’s never the survivor’s fault, no matter what circumstances or voices might try to make you think otherwise. Abusers choose to abuse.
As an Amazon Associate TWK earns from qualifying purchases.
Reclaiming Control
One of the most common sensations after institutional abuse is a loss of control. This is especially true when those institutions can silence, pressure, or dismiss survivors, encouraging them not to speak up against schools, hospitals, churches, and the like. Reclaiming your agency can start with small steps, like deciding who hears the story, reaffirming your boundaries around touch and conversation, changing congregations, or refusing contact with those who minimize the abuse. Support from others, be it a trusted friend, a therapist, survivor group, or legal advocate, can help you feel supported in the decisions you need to take to regain control and a sense of safety.
Considering Legal Action
Although it’s not a choice everyone makes, and you have to determine your own comfort with it, holding abusers accountable can be part of rebuilding. However, it’s best done with preparation and support. Talking to an attorney before making any accusations can help, as they can help you look into, for instance, public records and prior allegations, much like the John Edward Hefferan Archdiocese of Chicago records, which can help you see past evidence of abuse, be it from the individual responsible or within the organization. This can help you identify patterns, witnesses, and failures within the system that could serve to help your case or find others that may stand with you against them.
Rebuilding Through Reform
Although survivors should definitely not carry the burden of reforming failing institutions alone, you can play some role in fostering change. By working with survivor advocacy groups, you could spur communities to change the institutions to rebuild trust, be it by creating transparent reporting systems, screening staff carefully, removing accused individuals when safety requires it, and stop protecting reputations over people.
The road to recovery after abuse isn’t easy, but attempting to take the next step is the most important thing. When you’re ready, follow the tips above after thinking about what course is best for you.