4 RED FLAGS WHEN DATING
By Kayla Thompson
So you’re young, you’re cute, and you’re ready to be in a relationship! Before you go on those spontaneous late night drives, have movie nights in a homemade fort, and post your IG photo dump, beware… It can be easy to fall into relationships that aren’t healthy and find yourself in a pretty toxic situation. As a, “3 years from 30” year old, and a super fan, dare I say “expert” of The Bachelor, I have the responsibility to call out a few red flags to spot along your dating journey.
With each red flag, I will give an example from The Bachelor that reflects real life issues that arise in dating. Let’s get into it.
RED FLAG #1: Emotional Manipulation
Y’all…a lot of women on Bachelor Peter Weber’s season were crazy manipulative. He would bring up issues he had with someone and their response was immediate tears.There was never an actual conversation; they would cry knowing he would comfort them, reassure them and keep them around. Crying was taken as a sign of deep feelings. Peter would keep women who were outwardly emotional because he thought that meant they were passionate about him. If your new boo tends to get angry or cry when they want something…Put your best sneakers on and run! You’re probably dealing with someone manipulative and we have no time for you to be in a toxic relationship.
RED FLAG #2: Avoidant Behavior
Y’all know that meme of the dog in the house on fire saying “This is fine.” That is the epitome of this red flag. This past season, Bachelorette Rachel zeroed in on contestant Tino from the very first night of the season. They were solid all season, but meeting his family went terribly. When Rachel tried to unpack this with Tino his first statement was, “They adored you!” Tino often minimized any and every problem that Rachel brought up and their communication was always lopsided. If you are constantly hearing your boo say “I’m confused why you’re upset. What’s the big deal?” BEWARE of this avoidant behavior. It’s immature to throw out reason out of fear of facing problems and could make you not feel seen or heard. Facing difficulty head on is hard, but it’s vital in building good communication.
RED FLAG #3 : Just the Feels
The chemistry between Bachelorette Michelle and her final pick Nayte, was off the charts from the start and everyone could see it, so why did they break up so shortly after their season? At Hometowns, Nayte’s father asked him how he knows Michelle is the one. His response was simply, “Because of how I feel about her.” Which sounds cute and all, but I would contend that not knowing concrete reasons why you want to be with this person, may be a sign that your relationship is on faulty ground. Feelings can only go so far, so before you go all in, really figure out what that person brings to your life and what you add to theirs.
RED FLAG #4: They’re Not Over the Ex
Although Bachelorette Katie got engaged to her final pick, Blake, it was clear to most fans that she still had feelings for past contestant, Greg. Katie and Greg’s breakup was intense, and during the reunion show, she was still very angry with him. We expected newly engaged Katie to be too happy and in love with her fiancé, Blake, to be upset with Greg anymore. Blake and Katie broke up shortly after this. Blake stated he saw the red flag that Katie might not have been over Greg. If your new significant other brings up their recent ex with too much fervor, have your antenna up. They could still be harboring some feelings for them. The opposite of love is not hate, it’s apathy.
If you recognize these red flags in your current relationship, decide to choose YOU and what’s best for you. A lot of these Bachelor stars stayed in toxicity, most times out of fear. But know that you’re worthy of only the very best, and you’re strong enough to wait for the right person. You got this, boo! I hope this was helpful.
Bio: Twenty-seven-year old Kayla Thompson was born and raised in Boston, Massachusetts and later moved to North Carolina where she currently lives with her family. Being raised in generations of singers, songwriters, and musicians, music was always a fundamental building block of her life. In 2015, she recognized her inherited gift of songwriting and shortly after decided to defer from college to pursue music full-time. She began putting out covers on her YouTube channel and Instagram page where she gained more traction.
In 2017, she released her first original song, ‘Hold on to My Hand’, and in 2019, she became the most vulnerable she’s ever been in her music, releasing ‘Deep Breath’—a piece sharing her personal struggle and triumph over anxiety. With each release since her sound has evolved along with her growing fanbase. This remains true for her 2022 single, ‘Younger,’ which gained more streams than any other single in the first week alone, and has been placed on multiple Spotify editorial playlists. More important than anything, music has brought her immense artistic refinement and personal growth as she embraces the journey for what it is and not just the destination. Kayla has also begun working as a personality on shared news in 2022, giving her hot takes on pop culture’s biggest muses like The Bachelor.
Check out Kayla on Shared News